Just Kaz LLC

I don’t know how to share this without offending someone, so I’m just going to go ahead and say what’s on my mind.

This is the second suicide within six months that has hit a little too close for comfort. I cannot and will not sit here and say I have never attempted or thought of doing it. Because I have. It is extremely more difficult pretending to have everything together than actually having everything together. I wish for absolutely no one to make THAT decision on your life. You really don’t have the clearance. Every step has been ordered by somebody, but that somebody ain’t you. I am grateful that I got to witness firsthand the devastation something like that causes because I would never put anyone through that type of pain.

I cried.

I cried for Her.

I cried for Her son.

I cried for Her sister.

I cried for Her mother.

I cried because I am glad I didn’t succeed at everything I attempted. I cried for Her because she stopped fighting. I cried for the little boy that must piece his life together with so many unanswered questions and conflicting feelings brewing inside. I cried for Her sister, which happens to be my sister, because I’m afraid she may not be able to recover emotionally. I cried for Her mother because she lost her child, her baby, her youngest. I swear to you I am crying as I write this because I have fucking daydreamed about driving off a bridge often. But since Her death, I just can’t see myself going through with it.

Mental illness is real and it’s taking the lives of our loved ones. We HAVE to be there for them. Something as simple as a small joke, or just sitting with that person without talking could save a person’s life.

Although I make this call of action, I do not want ANYONE to feel the fault of someone’s suicide. Suicide is selfish, cowardly, and a choice. But it is their lives and their decision. Even if they disregard the other lives and people that will be devastated. Our lives are the choices we make. And every bump and bruise makes us just that much stronger. #BeFearless

Rest peacefully, S. Fenner