I am currently TRYING to focus on completing my next book by my deadline, but I cannot ignore you all. I wanted to make sure that I posted something related to mental illness being that May is mental health awareness month. Battling with mental illness is a daily task that does not become easier as time passes. Having a loved one with a mental illness is frustrating because you cannot cure it. You cannot save them. So before this month ends, I want every person reading this to reach out to that friend or loved one or relative and just let them know you are here for them. If they need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or just to sit with in silence, make sure they know you are on their side. It could be the person that always has a bad ass attitude because their mental illness is causing them to be extremely irritable and anxious. My co-workers told me when I returned from my leave of absence that they actually thought was going to blow the damn building up.
Sidenote: Why is mental illness so damn stigmatized that the health insurance companies don’t consider it as a valid reason as to why you can’t complete your job duties? I had to take an unpaid leave of absence from my job because they determined that my anxiety and depression couldn’t stop me from taking calls all day long. I couldn’t even leave my bed. I even sent my daughter away because I knew I was no good to her. But my health insurance that I pay about two hundred dollars every other week for refused to take care of me when I needed it the most. Instead of me focusing on getting myself well, I had to figure out a way to pay my damn bills.
Blame it on some damned retrograde or the fact that I was without my medication for almost a whole damn month, but the past several weeks has been nothing short of difficult. I’ve relapsed a couple few times. I have laid in the bed for hours on end. My rage has boiled over almost enough to possibly catch an aggravated assault or murder charge.
But luckily, I am back on my meds and in my zombie mode.
There was a time that my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t leave my bedroom. I couldn’t even have my best friend come over. I had to force myself to walk outside and down half a block just to try to overcome it. I prefer my “zombie mode” over that any damn day. Most people wouldn’t understand. Most people will just say that we enjoy the “high” because they are used to us abusing drugs and alcohol.
First of all, drugs and alcohol abuse usually come from mentally ill people attempting to self-medicate themselves. Second of all, a medicine high is not the same as a weed high or alcohol high. I can’t really speak on cocaine, crack, or meth because I wouldn’t dare touch the shit.
Back to my original thought, please don’t just ignore your friend or relative that has had “the blues” for over a month. I don’t care if it’s over a lover or over any other thing we have to deal with in life. Make sure they know that they matter to someone. There are way too many kids and adults committing suicide on Facebook Live or any other social media platforms. There are too many kids and adults committing suicide without anyone seeing the signs. Or better yet, disregarding the signs. If you have benefits with your job, by law you have what’s called EAP, which is employee assistance program. This program offers counseling via phone or person. Depending on your benefits it may only limit to a max of maybe three free sessions.
The point is: there is help available, help at no cost.
Trust me. I am glad I only see my psychiatrist every three months because its twenty-five dollars every visit.
Please take care of yourselves.
Yours Truly,
Kaz
Just Kaz LLC 