Hello.
I wanted to take a break from my “glow up” to update you all on the Life and Times of Kaz.
I began personal care aide classes this past Monday and finally bid farewell to my childhood home Thursday. In between, I attended a fundraiser for James River Writers at the Quirk Hotel. I have lived in Richmond my entire life and never heard of the place before. As I entered the Maple and Pine Restaurant, I looked around and immediately knew why. I shifted my cardigan nervously. I was surrounded by people that more than likely have a summer home and a boat. Only thing I own is my 2005 Volkswagen Passat and the damn title doesn’t even belong to me. Anyways, I was there solely for the wine but also the chance to meet James River Writers members, and network. I had a good time especially after a glass of prosecco and two wine tastings. I gave out my business cards and talked to them about my published book. I even pitched my ideas for my next project. I was high off the wine and the moment. I was surrounded by fellow writers and wine with no English on the label. This entire moment has been romanticized in my head. I was frantically trying to avoid a damn anxiety attack by sucking down wine. Just to become paranoid that they were whispering amongst themselves about this bald-headed free spirit with alcohol seeping out of her pores. I actually became so paranoid that I was the butt of the joke I left quickly and discreetly.
For the hell of it, I am going to share something else with you all. Not to make fun of anyone. But to see just how close in proximity wealth is to poverty. As I make my great escape out of the fancy restaurant, I immediately become aware of my surroundings and briskly walk to my car parked a block down. As I approach my car, I saw the same people loitering on the corner. But there’s this new man standing in the middle of sidewalk taking a piss with his pants at his ankles and his bare white ass out. Of course I didn’t want to invade that man’s privacy so I walked into the street away from the sidewalk. The bad part was he still ended up urinating all over his pants. I don’t know if that was mental illness, substance abuse, or a mix of the two. But imagine that scene right outside of a fancy pants hotel. Would you be Captain Planet and try to help that man? I mean I am not judging if you would. I am just not into gambling with my life.
That was Tuesday.
By Thursday, I was completely drained. Every other sentence was “I’m tired”. But all the moves I was making were necessary. I needed to meet other local writers, I needed to take a damn two hour credit counseling course, and I needed to accept some strangers would be living in the home where I was raised. It has just been a week. One week and I feel further from the person I once was. Whether that is a good or bad thing is still up for debate. But according to some people, the person I once was wasn’t an upstanding citizen.
This unrecognizable Kaz is doing everything that I swore to myself I would never do. I’m biting my tongue to avoid arguments. Instead of just speaking my mind and not caring about the repercussions or how another party feels, I’m thinking twice before I open my mouth.
Sincerely,
I don’t know who the fuck I am or even if I like myself at this time
Just Kaz LLC 