So hey y’all I want to talk to you for a moment. Grab a chair. Or sit Indian style. Downward dog. Whichever you prefer. But I was told recently that my writings are depressing. In hindsight, I was afraid that my first published book was too sad and the main character was just irritating. But then I remembered, I am a psychology major that never finished school. BUT I know how to research some reliable shit. So as all of you know, I battle with bipolar II disorder. I’m on medication and I’m supposed to see my therapist weekly but that’s something we can discuss later. According to the American Psychological Association, “bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness in which common emotions become intensely and often unpredictably magnified. Individuals with bipolar disorder can quickly swing from extremes of happiness, energy and clarity to sadness, fatigue and confusion.” (Please forgive me, I have forgotten APA format). However, I couldn’t really find anything on bipolar 2 but from what my psychiatrist and therapist have informed me, my manic episodes are not as extreme. If I am depressed all the time, some days not as much as others, wouldn’t I produce sad shit? If I wrote songs, they would be depressing..like Adele or Amy Winehouse. But like those women I am certain there is someone out in the world that relates to my writings. I pray more than anything you are inspired by my writings. If I can pull JUST ONE person from the depths of despair and possible suicide, my writings will have served their purpose. When I write, I am sharing my soul with the world. Not to make you sad, but to make you see I’m still here despite it all. I want people to read my stuff and say “yeah she was fucked up but look how she overcame”. Or “life wasn’t fair to her but she’s still pushing through”. Now, I know there are plenty of people that have it worse than me and are more discouraged than me. But I want those people to still believe there is hope for better. No matter how much time, patience, medication and therapy it takes it is achievable. Yes, I STILL struggle with alcoholism. Yes, I still struggle with spending money on unnecessary things when I’m manic. YES, IT IS HARD A HELL. Yes, I had to beg my psychiatrist to prescribe me meds to help with my anxiety just so I could enjoy my vacation. Yes. YES. yes. But I choose to fight. I choose not to lay in my bed and sleep all day. I choose to go to work. I could be getting disability but I couldn’t see myself going out like that. I choose to be a good mother to my kids. I choose to be a great sister. I CHOOSE. And if I can get just ONE person to CHOOSE to live, to CHOOSE to fight, to CHOOSE not to let their mental illness define them, then I have served my purpose. Just like anyone else, I want to be a NY Times Bestseller. I want to sell millions. But not for the money, for the exposure. There is someone out there that cannot not be reached by anyone but myself and guess what I AM HERE. If ever you need someone to talk to, email me JUSTKAZLLC34@GMAIL.COM.
Just Kaz LLC 