In Memoirs of a Broken Heart, the main character, Vanessa, is in love with a man that is in a committed relationship with another woman. The first thought is “that is so wrong” and “shame on them both”, especially her. But if her love for this man is real, how could it feel so wrong to her? And if the love was reciprocated by him, would their deceit be justified? Maybe not to you, or any outsider, and definitely not to the girlfriend, but to Vanessa and the boyfriend it is everything in the world. This post isn’t about whether they are right or wrong. I am writing this more or less because I have been wracking my mind trying to figure out whether waiting for someone to be what you want is worth it. There are many, many reasons why people think they are stuck in dead end relationships. Personally, I believe you are where you want to be. I could never be “stuck” with someone I do not want to be with. But, hey, that’s me. Anyways, should I stay around until he leaves his girlfriend; although, he has already proven to be deceitful? Is my faith in love supposed to be brighter and bolder than the signs that this is a train wreck? What if it is okay to hang around? How long is too long? How long should I be understanding? How long must I be okay with coming in second place? There was an episode of Scandal that resonated with me and spoke directly to me and my situation.
Perhaps the feelings are not love. Maybe Olivia Pope is right and we have nothing. Sharing hushed conversations about a life that will never be. It just feels good to believe that there could possibly be a love on the other side of his relationship. Am I being a pessimist if the signs mean more to me than my faith in a secondhand emotion? Damn it feels so good to be loved, and it has to be love. How else can you explain why the thought of him makes me smile and I blush every time I am in his presence? The world seems to pause every time our lips meet. So I wait thinking that one day he will be mine and I will come first. Lonely days turn into lonely weeks. Months have turned into years, and he’s still in a relationship and I’m still in love. That’s okay because love always prevails, right? Love can’t work without faith, right?
Reality check:
I waited for a man to breakup with his girlfriend for two years. We secretly met and loved and made plans. He swore she didn’t matter and it would just be a matter of time before he left her. Then, we would be and have the house with the picket fence. Well, he got her pregnant and didn’t tell me until the girlfriend was far along. Oh yeah. He also told me he wasn’t having sex with his girlfriend and I believed him. You have to have sex in order to make a baby. Well, it was that way the last time I checked. Needless to say, I was devastated. I really loved this man and I had spent two years of my life listening to empty promises. Of course, he begged me to stick around just a little while longer. I was so hurt there was nothing left to keep me there.
So back to my question…
Is it okay to wait around while the person you love is in a relationship with another person? If so, how long is too long to wait?
Just Kaz LLC 